


Moments

by alice9



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-10 22:55:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/791131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alice9/pseuds/alice9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are moments in life that never leave us. The birth of a child, landing your dream job, your first kiss, or the death of a loved one. Really anything that is significant or life changing are the things that people hold onto. For Sam it was the morning that Dean had vanished. </p>
<p>Nine years passed before Sam found Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Moments

There are moments in life that never leave us. The birth of a child, landing your dream job, your first kiss, or the death of a loved one. Really anything that is significant or life changing are the things that people hold onto. For Sam it was the morning that Dean had vanished.  
  
He had woke like any other morning, rolled out of bed and padded down the hall in his bare feet and too short pajama pants into the kitchen expecting to find Dean and their Dad planning their next move. They had wrapped up the last hunt the night before, a simple salt and burn, and Dean had even let him light the corpse. More often than not Sam was taken with them since he turned fourteen and even though hunting wasnt something that he wanted to be a part of for the rest of his life he was happy to be more help than a research tool.  
  
He walked past his father who was sitting at the table alone pushing around a piece of paper with his fingers and moved to get out breakfast. "Where's Dean?" He asked and his words came out as a yawn. He would never forget the crappy flowered wall paper over the burnt orange countertop left behind from the 70s or the way his father sounded when he spoke. "Your brother left us Sam."  
  
He stood stock still, back to his father, his hand hovering in the air in front of the cabinet where they had kept the cereal. "He left this." John said and he stood placing the paper on the counter before going outside.  
  
It wasnt any sort of explanation. The first two sentences were clearly for there father. "I cant do this anymore, dont waste your time coming after me. You taught me how to disappear and I intend to." The second part started with his name. "Sam, Im sorry. I cant be the brother that you deserve. You've got a great head on your shoulders and when you can use it to get out of hunting. You're smart enough for college and book worm enough that you'd be just fine im sure. Take care of Dad and take care of yourself. Love you kiddo."  
  
Sam was so angry he reduced the note into a tiny ball between his shaking hands and later those hands unfolded it with the most care that he could, fingers running over each crease as delicately as he could. From that day on the note was folded neatly into his wallet.  
  
A month passed before he stopped waiting for Dean to show up. Slowly he started eating more, sleeping better, and he stopped crying himself to sleep. He no longer had an option of staying back during a hunt and he threw himself into becoming every bit the hunter Dean had been. They never talked about Dean, acted as if he didnt exsist and some days it bothered Sam. Most days Sam would pull out the note with its now well worn creases and try to figure out what it was that pushed Dean away. What had he done to make Dean leave without him.  
  
SPN

Sam had been hunting on his own from the time he was eighteen. For five years now he'd traveled alone in the impala. He taught himself how to take care of her just as good as Dean had seeing as how they both had been abandoned by him. She kept him on the road and he kept her running smoothly.  
  
He had completed a small job in a large college town and felt like getting a beer from a bar instead of one from the half functioning mini bar in his motel. He figured he could probably find company for the evening before blowing out of town in search of the next job.  
Instead he found Dean.  
  
The bar he'd chosen was an obvious student hot spot called 'The Company' and was packed full to the point where he found it hard to find a spot to stand with his large frame without being pushed by someone trying to get by. He'd ended up at the end of the bar near the back and once he had a beer he turned lean back against it to survey his surroundings. The place was pretty large and had two bars, one against each wall and a dance floor and lounge area inbetween them. The music was loud but not unbearably so and the selection was mercifully not mainstream trash. He felt himself relaxing into his surroundings when his eyes locked onto the other bar. More specifically, Dean behind the other bar serving drinks to a small group crowding around. He had a smile on his face and was laughing at something someone had said and Sam had a hold on his beer so tight he couldnt believe it wasnt shattering under the weight of his anger. For the next three hours he watched as Dean moved around behind the bar like the same Dean that left him nine years ago but older, more muscular, and he smiled constantly at everyone to the point that Sam started wishing cruel things to happen to anyone who so much as breathed in Deans space. Several people approached Sam and he pointedly ignored them moving away from the bar to a darker corner of the room where Dean wouldnt be able to see him if he looked up. By the time he sees Dean gather up a few trash bags and head for the back door Sams anger had festered into a boiling rage that probably wasnt helped at all by the several beers under his belt, but if you asked Sam he would tell you he didnt give a shit. He quickly exited the bar and made his way to the back where Dean was throwing the bags into the dumpster and by the time he turned around Sams fist was in perfect range of Deans jaw.  
  
He would admit later that it had felt damn good.  
  
Deans arm came up shielding his face the other moving, connecting with Sams ribs and he paid no attention to it bowling into Dean sending them both stumbling into the side of the dumpster with enough force that it moved.  
  
"What the fuck man?" Dean spat elbow coming down against the side of Sams head. "Get off me!"  
  
"You son of a bitch!" Sam growled forearm pinning Dean under the neck with his left arm and driving his right repeatedly against Deans ribs. "You stupid fucking bastard."  
  
Dean himself wretched free and shoved Sam off of him enough to look at his face. "Sammy?" Deans hands wrapped around Sams biceps holding him back a bit and Sam whipped his head foreward smashing their foreheads painfully together. "Jesus fucking christ stop it!" Dean yelled and pushed Sam back hard and he slamned down onto the pavement.  
  
His chest heaved with breath as he fought to bring it to a normal rhythm and he glared up at Dean from under his bangs. Deans stupid green eyes wide as he looked down at him. "Are you fucking drunk?"  
  
Sam laughed. What else could he do? His head was pounding, drowning out his buzz and he was sitting in the grime of an alleyway looking up at Dean after nine years, and he says that. "Thats all you have to say to me?" Sam spit out between his hysterical laughter because really, the whole thing was absurd. Of course he'd thought about finding Dean again. He didnt think he would actually find Dean but a guy can daydream right? He hadnt imagined it like this at all.  
  
Laughter has been known to be contagious so when Dean started to laugh at him it just seemed to fit. "What the hell are you doing here?"  
  
"I had a misguided spell I was helping take care of in town."  
  
"You still huntin'?"  
  
And just like that the good feeling moment was gone. "Someone had to step up."  
  
"Sam-"  
  
"You just fucking left Dean." The anger was back. "You left me and that note? That didnt explain shit. So no, I didnt go to college." He stood moving back into Deans space and for the first time he realized how much he towered over Dean. How much he had grown. "I became a damn good hunter and-"  
  
"HEY!" He was cut off by someone shouting from the now open back door of the bar. A guy in a chefs shirt and jeans came storming out into the alley glaring eyes fixed on Sam with anything but good intent. He was a bit bigger than Dean, bald head and was clearly not a guy you'd want to mess with but Sam was ready to go meet him when Dean stepped infront of him.  
  
"Im good Cory." Dean said quickly raising his hand in an abating matter.  
  
"You alright?" The man, Cory, stopped a few steps infront of Dean eyes still on Sam.  
  
"Yeah, I've got this I swear."  
  
Giving one last glare at Sam, Cory turned his attention to Dean. "Lydia was looking for you."  
  
"Ill be right in. Just give me a minute to wrap this up."  
  
Cory nodded and disappeared back into the kitchen. Dean didnt turn back around, his hand fisting in his hair letting out an angered noise. "Are you good to go get your things?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Can you drive or walk or whatever and go get your shit?"  
  
"Im fine."  
  
"Go get your shit and come back in an hour. Ill meet you in the parking lot. You can stay at my apartment."  
  
"What makes you think I want to be near you?" He tried, he really did, to sound like it was a possibility.  
  
Dean turned around and Sam could see the small smirk that played on his lips as he touched the bruising on his jaw. "With that much anger, this isnt done yet." Sam watched Deans back as he went back into the bar and he watched the closed door for a few minutes before going back to the car.  
  
SPN  
  
He thought as he packed and showered and drank another beer of what he wanted to say to Dean. He wanted an explanation that was obvious, but then what? For so long he'd been angry with Dean and even more so with himself that the anger had become a part of him. It became an aspect of Sam and if he let go of that then what? He'd be partial again like when Dean had left. He'd become less than himself once more.  
  
He made his way back to the bar within fourty five minutes and parked where anyone would be able to see him coming out of the bar. Five minutes later Dean did just that and stopped short when he saw the Impala. Sam got out and stood by the door and watched Deans face, a mix of emotions as he took in the car. His hand trailed over the hood, spotless paint squeeking under his fingertips. "She looks real good Sammy." Dean spoke quietly.  
  
"Its Sam." Sam corrected and moved to get back into the car. "Where are we going?"  
  
They drove in silence except for Deans quiet instructions and with in ten minutes they were at the converted to apartment town house where Dean lived on the third floor. "Living room, kitchen, bathroom is down the hall on the right, mini gym next to that, my room is on the left. It aint much but I like it all the same."  
  
"How long have you been here?"  
  
It took Dean a few seconds to answer whether from discomfort or mental calculations. "Seven years."  
  
"What did you do before that?" Sam asked quietly putting a voice to a few of the questions he had roaring around in his mind. He wanted very much to grab Dean by the shoulders and shake him until he confessed and appologized and fixed it. Dean had left when Sam was just starting to grow into the giant he was now. The realization that he could grab Dean and shake him silly was just another reminder of how different they now were. He knew nothing about Deans new life. Did he have friends, or was he in college? Was he seeing anyone? Did he miss Sam as much as Sam had missed him?  
  
"I did what I knew how. Got a couple part time hours working on peoples cars and moved around alot. I found a solid spot here with a job at the garage Wednesday to Saturday and I moonlight at 'the Company' whenever they need me to."  
  
Sam put his bag down by the couch and turned noticing for the first time how Dean was sizing him up. "How the hell tall are you anyway?"  
  
"Six foot five."  
  
Dean huffed out a long breath, eyebrows raising toward his hair line. "Unreal." His said then turned moving into the kitchen calling over his shoulder. "Can I get you anything? Beer, whiskey, water, soda" he paused, the sound of the refridgerator opening cut in; "wait eighty six the soda unless you like ginger ale now, and I've got cold pizza. Meat, Veg, and Pineapple if your into that."  
  
"You like pineapple covered pizza?"  
  
"Nah, got a poker night thing going on on Mondays. Leftover from that."  
  
"Oh. Beers fine, thanks."  
  
Dean came back and handed him his beer taking a long swig from his own before asking quietly, "Hows Dad?"  
  
Sam took an ever longer swing nearly demolishing it in one go before answering. "He's fine. Last we talked he was chasing after a promising lead on the thing that killed mom. I actually think he's onto something this time."  
  
Dean nodded, letting the information settle.  
  
Sam finished his beer and when Dean reached out to take it their fingers slid together in the exchange. Sure he'd touched Dean when they were fighting but this was a slow movement where he could feel the callouses on Deans fingers, their warmth leaving a trail of fire on Sams hand and he kept his gaze trained on the floor as Dean threw out the bottle in the sink.  
  
Dean looked so different now then when Sam had seen him last and he found he was having a hard time seeing Dean as his older brother only. In truth, he always had. Seeing Dean in the flesh shattered the imagine Sam had held onto for nine years. His skin was darker then Sam remembered, with more muscles in all the right places, but he put those thoughts back into the deepest corner of his mind, where they were supposed to stay but sometimes roamed free.  
  
Dean didnt enter the room when he was done, instead he leaned in the doorway to the kitchen arms folded lightly across his chest. "I dont know what to say Sam." His voice was quiet.  
  
"Why Dean?"  
  
"I had my reasons."  
  
His anger rose but his voice sounded broken and he would have been embarresed if he had the engery left over to do so. "You left me, you abandoned me. I want to know what was so damn important for you to just leave me."  
  
"Sam,"  
  
"No Dean, I want to know why. I should get that much at least."  
  
"I'm sick Sam."  
  
Sams head snapped up at that. Dean was focusing on a far corner of the room, face a stone wall, lips in a tight line. "What is it Dean?" Terror suddenly gripped him that Dean was dying. When Dean didnt respond Sam moved over infront of him, gripping his arm. "Whats wrong Dean? Look at me."  
  
Dean shook his head and shut his eyes. "Im messed up in the head Sam." His words came out slowly. "I had to get away from you. I did it for you."  
  
His hand tightened around Deans bicep. "I dont understand."  
  
"We were too close Sam! I wanted, god, I tried so hard and nothing worked and I just, I didnt know how to protect you without staying as far away from you as I could fucking get!" Dean ripped his arm away and moved further into the livingroom his back to Sam. "I thought it would get easier the longer I was gone but its not. It never goes away no matter what I do. God, just look at you. Even at 14 I knew you would be tall." Dean let out a huff of agravation. "I never thought that Id have to see you like this."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"I never thought i'd get to see you as a man."  
  
Sam didnt know what to say to that. "Why did you leave Dean?" He asked, the tone in his voice dictated that he wanted the short version of the real answer and he wouldnt take anything less.  
  
Deans voice left his throat like an explosion. "Because I was lusting over my little brother like a pervert and I didnt know what else to do!" Deans shoulders dropped and silence ruled over the room.  
  
Sam took in a deep breath, then another, and finally on the third he moved. Dean flinched but remained motionless otherwise. Sam spun Dean around pulling him close by the fabric of his shirt. "What?" Because any other words werent coming to the forfront of his mind.  
  
"Somethings wrong with me Sam, what else should I have done? I couldnt keep myself in control around you anymore and I just wanted to protect you. Even from me."  
  
Sams hands dropped to his sides and he turned pacing around the room. Dean stood stock still waiting for Sam to react.  
  
Sam shoved Dean hard back onto the couch following him down until his body covered Deans growling out the word 'idiot' before their mouths met. It was harsh and unforgiving and everything Sam would never let himself want. The second Dean gasped Sam dove in tongue delving as deep as it could go tasting all of Dean that he could. His hands moved gripping Deans ribs with bruising force needing to feel that this was real. He pulled back just enough to make a path of open mouthed kisses and sharp nips of teeth in between his words. "Wanted you since before I knew what want was. Thought you hated me. Always you. I've always wanted you." Sam pushed Deans shirt up around his armpits and moved to attack Deans chest, liking a broad stripe up the center of his sternum between his pecs and groaned at the taste of sweat and beer and Dean. All Dean.  
  
"S-am" Deans voice came out a broken whine and he felt Dean move, finally, gripping onto Sams shoulders pulling at the fabric of his shirt in frantic tugs. Sam sat up long enough to rip the shirt off his frame pulling Dean up to do the same before shoving him back against the cushions on the couch. "Jesus." Dean quietly swore when Sam brought his hands sliding down Deans sides making sure both of his thumbs ran roughly over his nipples.  
  
"Just Sam, but thanks." Sam smirked.  
  
"Bitch." Dean mumbled.  
  
"Jerk." Sam spoke matter of factly and that was when the reality of the situation caught up to him. How long had he wanted this? How many nights had he tried to congure up memories of Dean in order to get himself off, or just to get himself to sleep and here he was. After nine painful years he had Dean pinned beneath him, expanse of delicious skin and sweat and slightly eratic breathing and Sam wanted nothing more than to wrap his ridiculously long limbs around him and never let go. He moved slowly, mouth slotting perfectly with Deans and they kissed building from chaste and reasurring to passionate. With his hands he held Dean letting him know there was no doubt in his mind. This is all he had ever wanted. It was always Dean.  
  
"I always wanted you." Sam pulled his face back just enough to rest their foreheads together and breath the same air. "Can I have you Dean?"  
  
A strangled noise left Deans throat and he nodded avidly. His eyes were squeezed shut so tightly it looked like he feared to open them.  
  
"Dean look at me." Sam asked quietly and Deans eyes remained shut. "What is it Dean? Whats wrong?"  
  
"Did I do this to you?" His words were quiet and strained.  
  
"Do what to me Dean?"  
  
He could hear as Dean swallowed thickly and watched his eyes open, glazed over with unshed tears. "Its wrong Sam, I know it is, but its all I've ever wanted. Im your brother, I was supposed to protect you."  
  
"You did Dean." Sam cut him off. "God, you taught me everything I know, everything I needed to survive. I dont care that you're my brother. You never did anything wrong."  
  
"But,"  
  
"But nothing Dean. I get why you thought you had to leave and as much as I hate it, as much as it has killed me everyday for the last nine years you did what you had to do. Im an adult now. I can make my own descions. You arent doing anything to me, okay? I want this. I want this so badly I may acctually die if I dont get it."  
  
Dean huffed out a broken laugh. "God Samantha tone it down, I get it."  
  
Sam smiled softly at Dean. "Good."  
  
They kissed again and when Dean whispered 'I want you in me' against Sams lips he couldnt comply fast enough. Between rough kisses and gropes and moans Sam made a distant memory of the rest of their clothes stuttering out a 'holy fuck' when their cocks slid against one another for the first time. His whole world tunnel visioned to spit and prep and the breathy moans Dean made as he ground himself down onto Sams hand three fingers deep.  
  
"Im ready Sam, fuck, please." He was begging and writhing and Sam could have easily come right then and there but he steeled himself wanting to be inside the tight heat encasing his hand.  
  
He pulled Deans right leg up onto his shoulder and gripped the thigh of his left leg holding it off the couch out to the side. Spread him wide open enough that Sam could see Deans hole twitching and open and Sam groaned.  
  
"Come on." Dean urged. Sam moved forward, he had all the time in the world to look later.  
  
Somehow it was hotter than when his hand had been envoloped, and so tight Sam thought he might die right then and there as happiest fucker who'd ever lived. Once he was all the way in Dean immideatly started rocking against him leaving no time to adjust to Sam and honestly? Sam didnt care one bit. He started meeting Deans movements letting Deans leg wrap around Sams back and Sam turned his head to kiss at Deans inner thigh over his shoulder.  
  
"Sam, Sam oh fuck. Ha-harder Sam."  
  
Sam bent closer to Dean arms braced above Deans shoulders and slammed home causing Dean to arch up against Sam and let out a noiseless scream. Hitting the prostate on the first try? Success. Sam repeated his action over and over and Dean was a mess beneath him muttering inchohearent words of praise and a string of breathy moans and Sams name.  
  
He might have been embarresed by how fast they were both going to come if the foreplay hadnt been years in the making. He was surprised he made it past fingering Dean. Dean shook, hips stuttering, rhythm breaking and dug his nails into Sams back. The way he shouted Sams name as he came was enough for Sam to come completely undone.  
  
He fell against Deans chest mouth open panting wildly against his sweat slicked skin and feeling incredibly, stupidly happy. He could feel Deans heart hammering against his cheek as if a pulsing reminder that he was there. This was real.  
  
Dean mumbled something and Sam lifted his head resting his chin on Deans collar. "Hm?"  
  
"Said the controller is diggin into my back. Its stuck in the cushion."  
  
There was no way he couldnt laugh at that and he did and Dean followed.  
  
"Seriously get up." Dean chuckled and after one more quick nip at his jaw Sam peeled himself off of him and stood next to the couch.  
  
Dean sat up and reached behind him pulling out the offensive controller before giving it a look and tossing it to the side. He then stood and motioned for Sam to follow him moving down the short hall into his bedroom. Dean fell into his bed and rolled over giving room for Sam.  
  
Sam moved in next to Dean pulling the covers up over their shoulders and moved to wrap his arms around Dean who snorted.  
  
"Figures you'd want to cuddle you big girl."  
  
"You can think of it as a manly embrace if it helps." Sam spoke against Deans shoulder.  
  
"Embrace is not a manly word."  
  
"Whatever." He pulled Dean closer to his chest until there was no space between them.  
  
"You gonna freak out later?" Dean asked quietly.  
  
"No, you?"  
  
"Probably a bit."  
  
"Im okay with that. Ill deal with it." The room fell into silence for a few moments and when Dean spoke it was just above a whisper.  
  
"What are you going to do? I know my place is small and all but you could stay here. I never spend money on anything so I have a good chunk saved up, and its a college town and I know you used to talk about getting out, going to school. You could see if there is anything you'd want to study and you could stay. I dont know if you'd want to stay in one place or what not but,"  
  
Sam pressed a kiss against Deans neck.  
  
"Im rambling."  
  
"You are." Sam confirmed. "Im not going anywhere Dean. I dont know what Im going to do but Im not leaving you." His arms squeezed Dean a little. "This is where I've always wanted to be so I dont care what else happens. As long as I've got you I'll be fine with the rest."  
  
And he would be, because that moment all wrapped up in Dean was the moment that blanketed the morning he'd left, and everything would be alright after that.

 

 

Finish!

This is my first Wincest Supernatural fic and I hope that you enjoyed it! Let me know what you think!!


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